Excerpt from Fortune Cookie, “January”

Friday, January 20, 1989
St. Agnes’s Eve – a night when young women dream of future happenings …

In the dying days of the Year of the Dragon, Washington inaugurates a new President. He speaks of “a thousand points of light,” of “a kinder nation,” of “free markets” and of “free men.” He doesn’t mention free women, but commends women who are about to have children they do not want. Dan Quayle becomes Vice President—“the Robin to Bush’s Batman.”

“Free at last,” she screamed. “After eight long years, I’m free at last.”

Reagan was not, of course, a fan of George Bush’s, but she forced me to celebrate his inauguration anyway. She was ecstatic that the jokes about her name were coming to an end. And Reagan has put up with a lot of jokes. When we were both fifteen, shortly before her namesake was elected President, Reagan’s parents sent her to a fancy girls’ school in New England. They sent her there because she was failing most of her classes, smoking dope and sleeping with boys. But Reagan soon discovered that she preferred fine wines and sleeping with girls. So despite the Ronnie Raygun and Bonzo cracks, Reagan became a model student at that fancy boarding school. She even started at McGill University the year before I did.

The inauguration was dull, but Reagan livened things up by shouting “fascist pig dog” every time there was a Bush close-up on the TV screen. Even though she was thrilled that Ronald was out of the White House, she was disgusted that a former head of the CIA had become the President of the United States. When Reagan wrote for the McGill Daily newspaper, she spent a long time researching the CIA and its nasty secret activities like sponsoring dictators, assassinations and brainwashing experiments.

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